If you look on the tube map and follow the red line east you eventually pass through Loughton. Why would you want to make the trip out here. Suburbs are suburbs are suburbs. However Lougton has a few thing going for it. The main reason to make the trip is that as you walk to the edge of the place you hit Epping Forest. This is about as close to a real wilderness as you are going to get by getting on the tube. The forest is a massive area of beautiful beech trees making it a great place for a picnic or walk. However like any space of this size so close to a city like London, it can be a bit eyrie . If the prospect of the wood is not enough to tempt you then the population of Loughton may also be something of an attraction. Like a lot of suburbs they are filled with people who were born in the inner city, but having made a bit of money moved out. You probably stand a much better chance of meeting a true Londoner in one of these areas than you would in places like Clapham or Fulham. So if you really want to get to know all sides of this city then why not make the trip out east. There are Londoners to be met and fun to be had even on the dark edges of Essex.

Ray is an excellent example of this breed of migratory east-ender. I had not seen Ray since we were at school together in Hackney. Through the grapevine I knew after leaving school at 16 he had gone to work in the city and done quite well. That was it. Sitting in front of the Queens Arms on Essex Road basking in the early July heat my thoughts were interrupted by a presence in front of me blocking out my sun.

‘Hello mate’ came the voice. Looking up from my book I saw that it was indeed Ray who was blocking out my rays. Fancy a pint? As usual not waiting for an answer he moved inside returning with a couple of ice cold Stella’s. Ray was back in the area (ish ) to go into Steve Hat’s THE London Fishmonger. ‘The best fish man in the capital must be visited if one of Rays BBQ’s is going to be planned’. After a few pints Ray made a move but before going invited me out to meet his wife and see his new house in Loughton. ‘BBQ starts at three but get there early and I will give you a tour. A little bit different from Ridley road I think you will find.’ Not to be out done on the culinary stakes I popped in to Canonbury Butchers for some of his home made sausages. Too early for game but still the best you will get in North London. Armed with some of the best sausages that a man can buy I wnet home early looking forward to my BBQ in the East.

If you are going from Liverpool street the journey out to Loughton is not too bad. The train is overland once you get to Stratford and you can really see the full extent of how endless the East London suburbs are. Arriving in Loughton I walked up the hill watching the houses grow bigger and bigger. Like the area’s main rival, Chigwell, the size of house is very important to the Loughtonian. However to give them their due the haven’t sunk as low as their better known ‘Birds of a feather cousin. In Chigwell the homes are all incredibly wide but when you go in they are not very deep. The quote ‘What’s the point in going back if people can’t see what you’ve got’ explains the thinking behind the design.

Thankfully Ray’s house was not only wide but also satisfyingly deep. Set back from the house to the side was a huge mock Georgian garage. In front of this like a 21st century coach gleamed a bright Red Ferrari Magnum style. Nice one Ray.

Ringing the door bell shook me out of my teenage car envy as it seemed that I had woken the dog of the house. The words hungry and aggressive sprang to mind. However the door opened and instead of being met by a snarling beast behind I was greeted by a kiss on the cheek and a waft of Chloe. Much better than a slobbering Doberman. 'Hi I'm Nicola, don't worry about the dog it' s electronic. You know what Ray's like.' . Blonde and pretty she was the perfect Ferrari babe. ‘Not like Ridley road echoed in my mind.’ Ray’s lovely wife lead me into the sitting room where the great man was sitting in front of one of the biggest TV’s I have ever seen. ‘Hello again mate. Have a beer.’ Breaking open the can I sat down on the giant sofa and looked around. Ray liked a gadget at school and things a had only got better After admiring the TV and shown the remote control curtains I was given a grand tour of the house. It was big. We toured round the kitchen and downstairs before moving up stairs to the various bedrooms and bathrooms. Then out into the garden. Like the rest of the place electronics were important here. Flicking a remote control the fountain lit up and began to spout water. ‘ The neon at night, really draws your attention to it ‘Ray beamed. ‘And all at the touch of a button.’ Below the fountain we moved down to a small pond. It should really be a swimming pool but haven’t got round to that yet. Flicking another button a swan moved out from the reeds. Fantastic a remote control bird that can even suck up water using an electric pump and spit it out at unsuspecting guests( Me).

‘I have saved the best till last.’ Ray laughed With this I was lead up the garden path to the enormous garage. Opening the back door with a key we moved into the space. Once my eyes adjusted to the light I could see that it was totally rammed. Switching on the light Ray illuminated the room. I was confronted by the largest amount of booze I have ever seen in my life. Thousands of bottles of wine and champagne. Crate after crate of Stella. Trying to do justice to the bizarre scene in front of me I felt that some form of congratulations were in order. ‘Very Impressive’ Was all I could muster.

‘All Knock Off’ came the reply.

The End

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